so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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