apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
