Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Come share oat with me in your robe
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
