I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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