i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
