There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
the liver wants what the liver wants
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
