I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
