Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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