I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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