she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
