Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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