Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
