Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
