i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
