He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
