people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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