You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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