if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
