My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
