why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
