I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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