you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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