we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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