ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If I die, sorry about rent.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
