sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
