SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
