You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
