he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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