You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
