so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
