remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
