last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
