We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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