so explain again why im purple
no
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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