people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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