Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
