sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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