I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She's the barista slut.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
