I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
