My nipple is on Facebook.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
