There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
