OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
