Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
