i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
