Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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