somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
