No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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