Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
