I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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