You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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