that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
