my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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