I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
